i'm going to be fine

well here it is in a nut shell.

ladies and gentlemen

my computer i thought picked up a virus, now that i visited my editors profile pg on Facebook and well i had no money to get it fixed, my car died and my loan i just took out has to fix or buy a new one,

so i thought there would be no more social life for me - no more life at all really.

so i parted with saying i will miss you all and providing a photo of flowers for the ladies.

this is it, this is life, all the laughter and all the strife, from where we come to where we go and all we think we know - the moral, no-one knows anything - and that certainly proven to be true for me in this case.

i don't know computers at all.

this also means Phobius to Phobia = Phobia it'self and Phobius is back on if my editors are still willing to help me write them, the books can only be written if i got a computer because without the computer i have no spell check and therefor no way to writhe them - my home design is also back on because its on the computer.

and here is why;

the reason i thought i had a virus is 1st google didn't work at all, 2 half my programming was deleted and 3 i got a wearied sound screaming at me all the time now from the computer, 4 two other browsers i got wouldn't work at all and my 4th browser Firefox just barely worked at all, 5 at least 7 photos i had was also whipped out.

sense i was going to update from windows 8.1 to windows 10 i called the computer company Full Spectrum - that is where i go for work being done on my computers = one of them said: "uninstall AVG and install the Bitdefinder program in to the computer and he said i could brows the net while i did all the work, so i uninstalled it and started windows 10, then logged into my computer system sub-file that i had with trusted peoples from Facebook and Google Plus profiles.

places i knew was secure.

just after that everything above happened all at once.

i looked over a good friends profile and yah she was helping me with my book too = more then everyone else was.

yesterday i took the computer to full spectrum and one of the tecks looked it over, turns out that google was fighting with a program for screenshot.

that is why my browsers didn't work = the program that got deleted he didn't know why that happened and couldn't explain it either. same with the photos.

he said that computers keep records for things that get deleted and there was no record of them at all lol in the deleted records.

the photos aren't a big deal though they came from my uncle who can send them to me again if he still has his copies, the programs that got deleted was my file for the friends profile titled trusted peoples profiles, and several games - the games are not a big deal either because i keep all 4 of my browsers synced and well i bookmark everything.

and so i got them back.

right now i see only two problem, 1 the computer will not let me recreate my trusted peoples profiles folder and 2 its still yelling at me off and on.

i have no idea why Full Spectrum fixed my laptop without charging me but i'm not going to stress over it - they are a grate company.

NEVER NEVER NEVER AGAIN

I AM NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER AGAIN GOING TO ASK OUT A LADY AS LONG AS I LIVE!!!!!


NOR AM I EVER, EVER, EVER GOING TO TELL ONE I LIKE THEM.....................

Dawntai my first love

over the many years i have had a few ladies that i was interested in, i am going to make up names rather then state then because this could be a called a bad post but to many people me included actually laugh about it.

the first is a 12 year old girl i'll call Dawntai, she was my first crush, she went to my school back in the early 80's and her father was a cop of Denver Colorado.

believe it or not we were engaged to be married lol, i was 9 years old and the school i went to was the old Collage view elementary school.

i was way too hyper, i slept for maybe 8 hours and ran around for 72 hours there after and then repeated that every 4 day's give or take a few hours. lol.

she couldn't even get the energy to walk to the cafeteria to eat lunch every day.

i after school walked her to her father's or mother's car, some times it was a care taker, there i opened her car door helped her in and fastened on her seat belt then closed her door.

every day i meet her where she was dropped off and walked her into class, we had the same classes and our teachers name was Miss Colvie = i say was because just about the year 1999 she passed from old age, Miss Covie was the teacher of 3 generations of my family in that school.

anyway Dawntai was told one day to take a book to another class room and she simply said; "i got leg cramps!" everyone know she didn't but still what i knew and Miss Covie had found out was Dawntai was a nimic and had little iron in her system (boddy), yes when i attended school i was in special education but when they couldn't get the kid to sit down long enough to look at a sheet of paper you know getting him to write something down would be a merical.

i spent like 5 years sharing the same classes and schools with Dawntai and i loved that.

Miss Covie seen how Dawntai could keep me under control and used that to her advantage by having Dawntai call me over and made me stand right next to her every day while both Dawntai and Miss Covie taught me how to do the basics = at that time i think i was in like 4 maybe 5 grade.

well it was about the end of the 3 year of school when i told Dawntai the story of Phobius and that got her attention, she had Miss Covie lessen to one of my stories and durring that time i told them the story of Phobius to Phobia and Miss Covie started to talk about me having to learn how to put it on paper - Dawntai told me to publish the book asap.

that is why i am working on the story these day's, to make my word come true, Dawntai reason for that was if i was to be her husband then i would have to be a writer.

she said she loves books so much that she wanted her own story telling husband to provide the book or she would never save any money.

i think over the years looking back at the past how much Dawntai look like the lady i have the current crush on and man are they a twin sister in descise.

long gorgeous dark hair, the color don't matter, the love for books and story telling is the same, the love for kids, and Dawntai was herself a kid at that time, fair skinned, not short but not tall, 

yet through it all she had an attitude, she was the sweetest lady i ever seen, but when mad she knew how to kick ass.

why do i always pick the ones that are like that, that could be very dangerous.  

her sister was a blond headed lady and was in junior high at the time and her sister told me never piss off Dawntai or you will be picking your ass up off the floor and there was a few people that ended up doing that me included.

Dawntai in school was tall for a girl stood about 5'4' THE tallest female in my class, at that time i was already about 5' 11"'even and growing. i was very tall.

we agreed to get married at the end of the 4th school year and it took her whole family and my mother to talk us out of it, 

its was about 4 months later after that that Randy my blood brother passed away from cancer, and the cancer he had a cure was found about 3 months later or what they believed was a cure.

still had it not been for Dawntai i probable would never have thought of writing my book.

i spent close too 45 years just trying to get three simple things 1 a peace of land 2 a wife 3 kids of my own

well now i am done with trying to get a wife, or kids = sorry ladies = i know its hart braking to say the least.

here is how my life is right now in a nut shell; i restart my account under Cidian Ronny CoBurn on Google Plus but in the end i have more or less only family on fb and a few good friends - the family never contacts me in any way with a few exceptions and it was because of them that i created my facebook account to begin with.

sense they refuse to even say hi to me - i told one of my cousin to tell the rest if they so much as wish to say anything to me they need to learn how to use a phone - google plus though i restarted and we'll see where it goes from there.

i had wrote a simple story about my stubbornness and knowledge - that point is living in the attic tundra would be a snap - and for me it will be - only now i found out that it might be partly true because now i know that Canada is still doing land grabs and if they are willing i asked for the right to take part in that - so part of it may come true if the fucking United States stays out of it.

here in the states the doctors say i can't even lift a fork much less build a log home and without a work release i can't get a job, no one will hire me to do anything - S.S.D. is giving me pennies a month to live on and - i can't pay my bills on that without my mother and step father's help and well mother will not live forever and neither will my father so if Canada says sure i am going straight up there for life.

every lady i ever liked either said yes and nothing has ever come from it or they said no and moved out of the area for good, even the ones that said yes and never gave me a chance instead they too moved out before i got one hamburger to share with them but its expected - there is a reason why i am about 45 and never had sex and never been married.

in my case its not that i am not willing its the fact that if i do i will brake my ultamit word - that will not happen = i promised my brother Randy at age 9 as he died on my uncles couch in my uncles front room in front of me that i wouldn't do that until i get married and by god and or nature i will not brake my word for nothing - that is it in a nut shell.

my life isn't connected to the net, i am from the generation that could live without computers and technology in general.

for me as of last month - i decided that a life in the tundra is preferd, if Canada says yes then it going to be leagle, but if no then i will see who else might give me a land grab option or maybe even just make my way to a totally unpopulated area to live my life totally by myself = i had had it with most of civilization anyway and here is why.

i am not sacrificing anything but technology = as i said i know how to live in just about any condition on earth = some more then others.

i was born in the city raised by my mother but spent my life talking to and learning from ww2 vets and i also lived on a farm and ranch for many of years.

so i have all the needed knowledge to pull it off, i spent two years as a wild-land firefighter and i spent two years cooking for thousands of people.

i am a city slicker to boot so living with the bear minimal is nothing, all my life i spent just one step from the street because every extra penny i got went to help those on the street.

a little snow and ice doesn't scare me any lol if canada says yes i will in the end get back on the net with people i like.

if they say no i will just vanish.

the point is i will not be sitting on my bed doing nothing for the rest of my life and maybe i can make enough money to be able to have a family of my own someday.

i will own my own land and be working it, i applied for HUD awhile back and was denied because then i didn't believe in credit cards and was told i had no credit to get credit.

so i built up my credit and then the United states shot down HUD shortly after that fanny may got housing here in Florence and even with my step father co-signing for the loan i was denied because i was too old to be as they put it able to pay off the loan before i died.

the bank i got will not give me a consolidation loan because now i'm too far stretch out and to them a big risk - so that they say is that.

but that is the states, and now i'm going to get out as soon as i can.

i am stuck here because of my mother's health isn't good and other then her i have no dependents that depend on me and so when she moves on i will too. to me items mean nothing family is everything

the funny thing about Oregon i don't know about the rest of the states but in Oregon if you apply for a job you have to get a doctors reliese form to prove you can work.

the doctors won't give me one, so no job, plus i am a naturist i prefer herbs over pills but the doctors say you take what we give you or we will tell S,S,D, and S,S,D, says do as the doctors say or loss your income.

that is how i live here now.

anyway once mother passes, i won't afford much of anything much less a pot to piss in so one way or the other the street is where i am heading.

if i have to be there it might as well be in the tundra where i can make my own hut for shelter, lol, if i leave her now that is where she will be.

so all three of our income goes into one pile and that is how we are staying afloat, here is the biggest funniest thing, my mother was getting about 750 a month on disability when my step dad was earning about 7.40 an hour for 8 hours 5 days a week.

now forced on to retirement my step father gets about what i get and S,S,D, took all but 25 dollars from my mother because my step dad earns too much and they were told if they get a divorce mother will get more.

they will not do that.

lol and they are complaining on the divorce rate being too high, added to the fact that for the past 2 or 3 years because gas hasn't gone up the cost of living hasn't, so we don't get a raise, not to mention S.S.D. and S.S.A. has been bitching that they don't have the money to pay those on the programs but the senent and congress keep taking the money people pay into those programs to pave the roads that drivers are bitching about and not willing to pay to get fixed themselves.

it don't pay to be on disability or social security.

so you see my point - the states in the end is out - unless by some merical i get tied down by marriage and that won't happen until i own my own land and well that is what is happening right now with us.

life - is life - and this is why i say life sucks in today's day and age.

anyway i need a brake from civilization - or i need to just loss myself in time.

Art

this is a post i am doing for a friend - she is the kindest sweetest person i know and she is a very very good Artist here is a link to her web site if i can get it to work = http://www.adriannajoleigh.com/

come have a look and see if you like her stuff - as always to buy is just by your own choice.

i hope everyone has fun and a grate time.

the moon prompt

moon, moon, all so soon, always hanging around after the sun goes down - bringing out the nightly critters throughout the lands - giving out a pale light for all the night that makes it a grand delight.

an old saying

in with the new out with the old