i believe

i believe that +krissy lynn  is correct - in order to understand love one must understand one's own self and love one's self first - in my case i have done a gate many things that i am very proud of and just as many things i wished i never thought of - love can be a blessing or a cures or both at the same time.

to truly love someone you first have to realize that your not on this world to apes others, do what you have to in order to survive and make no excuses for your actions = if the action is just and for the better good then others should except it so long as it doesn't hut or harm any others.

a person that respects life doesn't make excuses for that in which he lives - a godly amount of others believe that just because they wouldn't do something it must be wrong when someone actually does do them - the truth is nothing that can save lives and nothing that can better ones own life or better that of others or better yet better that lives of others while bettering your own is wrong.

true respect comes into play when people don't tell others what to do or how to do it = love comes in time - a stranger can date another stranger and see that they really do fit into one unity in much the same way one can date someone they grow up with thinking they have a lot in common only to learn in the end they can't really get along.

love is universal and love is unconditional, there is no other form of love = respect comes when people treat each other right and not in any other way.

to share one's live with someone is a very special thing = to share one's belief is common = but what is more common is to try to force others to do as you yourself wouldn't want to do.

some do that and say its for the better good like in my case - i got nerve damage and the doctors refuse to let me work and then they believe by making me sit on my ass day in and day out that i will live a longer life which isn't totally true for one does need exercise to stay fit.

and then the doctors aren't right all the time like in Randy's Dansby's case ( my older brother )
he had leukemia  the doctors he had said there was no cure known to man yet and none was distend to be discovered for years to come, that had happened in the early 80's he passed as many of you know from several of my earlier blogs but what people may not actually know about is with in a few short months maybe one year or two after he passed they announced they had found the cure for what he had.

i for one believe that i should be able to work sense i got two good arms and two working legs - that is about all i really need to make a living but the doctors disagree with me on that.

so i have to ask with so many people forcing so many people to do things that they wouldn't do otherwise how can on truly love themselves when they are forced to do things they don't want to do?

the problem is the actions of others does some times play apart on each persons own actions - in fact in my exasperating of life i had noticed that for every action some one has made on me has caused a reaction by me and some reactions are long term actions and stick around for long times.

i love society

from day one i always wanted to change my name never had the money.

i always wanted just a small peace of land never had the money.

i would love to eat out once in awhile i still haven't got the money.

there are many things that i would love to get or do but as always i never had the money.

i'm sure most people feel the same way as i do which is to say currency is the embodiment of pure evil but yet people world wide still worship currency with all its joy.

people can't ever go by the name they themselves choose with out having to pay a couple of hundred dollars for the privilege = people are striving on the street, people have no home and people has no medical, all in the name of currency and what is currency really.

lets annualized that a bit.

money can be a single sheet of colored paper, it can be just a simple piece of mettle - what makes it a valued item = just the fact that people mine gold, silver, copper and things like that and use that to back up the so called currency.

well to my knowledge about all gold is wroth in reality is maybe a few pennies, it can be used for jewelry it can be used to decorate things and yah its a gorgeous mineral but it has very few uses.

the same with silver - in fact the only thing that makes them worth anything is the fact that they are suppose to be rear - and that is why people fought and died over owning it - lol - leave it to  man to fight over a useless peace of rock - because that is all it really is.

like it or not i have a aviation to worshiping something that people can't really use and that is just the truth,

so again i have to say i love society they sure love to make a big deal out of nothing at all.

the fear is gone

the worrying is over the book has arrived where i sent it and now i got more hope then i ever did - maybe my life can take a turn for the best now and i can once again be happy - its been much too long sense i had a really good reason too smile - i admit finding my races writing did help me on to that path though = as Spock always says = live long and prosper.

ugg

I'm reaching panic mod again - my books are in a fed x truck or plain somewhere and they are late for delivery - if they arrive then all is good and cool but if they end up lost then that means i lost over 10 years of my life trying to be a writer - god i hope and pray they show up at +krissy lynn  place tomorrow before i start to panic if they don't that will mean they are two days late.

i don't have a second copy for most of it either.

as i was

as i was growing up i had the grate idea to do my part for my country so i went to the Main FBI offices in Colorado on the 13th floor of the federal building = at the time i was 9 years old and i wanted to work for them = the nice friendly man smiled and simply told me to come back when i graduated school = back them my hearing was 15 times better then it is now and right now my hearing is good enough for me to hear a pen drop in the next room on a carpet - right now i am very assailable to the higher sound and lower sounds around me - according to the hearing doctor i seen about 5 or 10 years ago - but i have been slowly losing my hearing over the course of time too, so who really knows where it is at now - personally i don't really care as long as i can still hear what is going on around me when it comes to my hearing i am in fact going to be happy.

if the FBI back then would have tested me on my abilities then life might have been very different now but hind sight is twenty twenty and not worth stressing over in the current time.

i still have the appulaction in my collectible toats somewhere.

lol

lol i just found out minimal wage in Oregon was raised to 15 dollars an hour.
 before i got put on disability i earned like 7 an hour and that was like getting 2 or 3 dollars more then minimal wage back then - when i got put on disability i got one third of what i was bringing in a year at that time and that is where i stand now = that means that still being on disability like i am and still getting that amount yearly i am now earning less then 2 % of what i was earning back then now - good god one just has to love the good old America and its government = right?

well on the road to recovery

that you all that stuck around me when i was going through my mantle brake down and many panic attacks.

i am not full over them yet but my mantle breakdown is all but gone.

as i told a friend or two i'm an open book for the most part.

i prefer to just say things as they are and take the consequences as they come about.

the timing about telling the lady i like her that i like couldn't have been worse but it i guess had to be done anyway and i am quite glad she knows the truth now.

i lost several friends the last few months do to my panic attack and brake down - several of the attacks can be seen in the blogs as everyone knows, mostly on Google Plus - the only one that had any reason to dump me is still my friend though and that is the lady i admitted i liked.

 right now i am researching romance i hope - too much jewels might end that though lol - as a friend had asked me = Are you researching romance for books as in understanding the romance genre or for writing a romance in any other stories? = and here was my reply - for both other stories, a novel and i hope for picking up in real life what i am fucking up on - its research that covers all aspects of romance = never having the privilege to experience it personally i have nothing to go by for books and so its a all out thing - but mostly its for my books and the research is at the moment being done by what is called a RP with one very, very, very good femail friend  ts a game played by two people or more - a lady friend that is under age compared to me has volunteered to help me out in a one on one rp setting of it - for all the reasons stated above.

i hear its not the same thing as the real thing i'm afraid but its better then nothing.

so i am making an effort here and there to better my situation to the best i can but it only prove my point though - i get along better with young kids then i do with those my own age - with a few exception to the rule that is.


people in their 80's and 90's and anyone under the age 18 i always got along with everyone else i tended to get into fist fights with so after awhile growing up i avoided them like the plague. i just don't know why and until i got online i had little to no conversations with people my own age.

but it don't help with dating either = i have the rule never to date a kid and to stay within 10 or if the lady is over 18, stay within 20 years of my age - to date every lady i liked well enough to do that with has messed with me mentally - so it is a lossing cause i'm afraid = that is everyone but the last one that i said i liked and she is the only one that really had a reason to do so.

still now that i no longer have to worry about the things that was causing most the panic attacks i am getting back on my feet - true i'm still deep in debt and i still have yet to get one single date with a lady but everything else has more or less went away, just a heads up though, over 75 % of my friends are ladies online and off - i never have a problem with any of them until i ask one out then all hell brakes out - although i know more secrets from ladies about their boyfriends and or husbands then i care to admit usually before i ask any one of them out lol - and every time i do something has to happen - in this case and i know the newest lady i said i liked had nothing to do with it but it still happened - i now have spyware in my computer system - i know because i took my computer in to be fixed not long ago and it took longer then they said it would - plus i always look through every aspect of my computer when i get it back one can't be too careful - anyway now i got a untitled file of masive size in my computer - and well to me its a open computer and i'm more or less a open book - so if you don't want the world to know about your secretes don't tell me about them until i get me a new computer and that will be in many many years if at all - with my fiancees the way they are anyway.

A pomn by my mother

time's not flying, i'm not having fun, sitting and waiting for a call form my son.

he's really been working to take in a dime and he's been doing a lot of over time.

for all of his labor he's feeling quite grim but he can be certain Uncle sam's loving him and then there is storus who's pacing the floor not showing much patience to get out the door.

louis is snug as lump in the bed, covers to warm him, a pillow for his head and me at the table.

the realization of my stories.

i just got done talking about my books and i didn't realize just how much is going to have to go into them until today - lol - i knew the idea has never been done before but the technol aspect of it is killing me.

the good news Krissy is co-writing my books with me now and i just sent her my only copy of the outline.

 so she will see how the story unfolds i have at this moment about 6 of the outlines made and the over all outline - the hard part is keeping all the main books and short stories in sink with the over all story and each other - the whole story is written to be a life time of stories over the same civilization its written about.

 all 10000 or more possible book has to jive with the main stories and over all story, that will be hell to do - basically i am creating a full historical story based on this planet much like earth has its main stories and everyone's elses falls between the cracks.

 she is just now realizing i wasn't joking about the challenges laid down before me as a writer to make the story unfold - to-date i never heard of a writer that ever tried to do this.

i mailed to krissy fed x my story yesterday.

i sent her the only two reviews i had done on them - basically they both said Phobia sounds by tital like a thriller but the book come across like a sleeping pill - the reason they say is Phobia followed Archaeology too closely with site to site visitation - lol - to date Krissy is the only one that read Phobius to Phobia and that is i think what helped her decide to co-write the books but i have no idea

the thing is Phobia marks the time the civilization i'm writing about starts out into outer space - they needed Archaeology in the space force to do that job and that is why P.A.S.C.O. created the deviation called Space Archaeology that book is about.

  the book that introduces Tarah ( My cat ) as a space walker - lol - the book Phobius to Phobia marks the opening of the reef, the turn from what we know now to space times and the begging of the world its about uniting under one government.

 the Arkondian's government is a mix of all the earth known major governments combined to form one.

further more the story begging where it ends in the over all out line anyway.

right now i am trying to get the first 5 main stories write and krissy said she would co-write the Phobius to Phobia book maybe the Phobia book to.

 its engineered to allow me to write about any genera on earth at any time i wish to all based on that civilization but the short stories has to fall between the 5 main stories and all the 5 main stories has to fit in the civilizations history outline of the over all story.

its a puzzle of life,  it is really and for a man with a learning disorder its a bitch to try let alone do.

 like i said though no other writer in history ever tried to do this, there are countless books based on earth history but written by a grate many people.

 i am writing the history books of a fantasy world that starts in space loses their knowledge and over time gains a new set of knowledge back and ends in space again.

 so it starts in a sifi setting goes to a fantasy setting and ends in sifi setting again.

anyway in amounts all the 5 main stories falls all the other type of genera mysteries and every other kind of immagionable lol.

 Phobius to Phobia has two groups of romance going on in it at the same time, it tells about the Arkondian governmental stretcher and spy networks.

 its was a bitch to get what i got and i'm afraid a man that never experienced romance has no idea what to say or do in romance stories so my romance story lines such in it. 

to further the plot the Arkondian's don't see currency in the same light or other things like war,  they never got into a fight, they hid from all the other races on the world until the opening of the reef to avoid wars.

 they got two generations more advance technologies then all the other races out side of the reef and those out side the reef uses currency and fight wars most the time.

those over the reef are based on earth while the Arkondais by very nature are buck ass backwards.

in this case i got the world history and then each individual book story - they all have to bind together like cool aid and water do and the 5 main stories is like telling earths world war stories as the main story binders, then filling in the gaps with stories we'll say yours, Abe Lincoln, Ronald Ragon's, Black beards and so on.

its the ideal society in an imperfect world, its the world i created and lived in for birth and for many many of years before i tore down the mental wall that separated reality from fiction.

even i didn't quite realize the full impact of the type of story i was planing until today - i don't see how she could have - but Krissy is a incredibly smart lady and she may have.

as +ShadowWolf_VG  put it and i fully agree with she is a genus.

lol - we'll see if it becomes reality? and with +krissy lynn  help it will be.

the grass

the grass is green but the sky ain't blue its pretty wet and windy too.

all in all a very good day to stay in bed till it goes away.

mother nature you see the date?

your April showers are really late.

where's the flowers where's the sun it seems to me its time for fun.

i know its normal for Oregon but some of us could use some sun.

all I'm asking is warmer weather so i just need one shirt and sweater.

to my friend

my friend we've been through quite a lot when things were fun, and some were not because it seems

that mostly we don't agree because your you and i am me.

its true we're different as night and day we clash in ever sort of way.

its odd the things in which we share i guess it shows we really do care but friend, i feel there is

danger ahead and i must say what must be said, the way i am, i must explain its not that way to cause

you pain where you reach out to touch someone when you are sad, or having fun that is something i

do not share for i am content to know your there.

i need no contact to know your there, i need no contact to feel your love is there, its warm as the sun

above at times i feel i am quite alone and like to talk on the telephone.

there is many things we could say that won't upset each others day.

the weather, the dog and even us but don't choose things to cause a fuss for i can't sit there very long

 and not say things i know are wrong.

our tempers rise and we get mad then we fight and both are sad.

don't get me wrong, its not just you i know a lot of its me too because we have been friends for years

shouldn't we not avoid such things so we don't feel the pain it brings.

our past together friendship binds years of memories of all kinds.

i won't allow for us part so let us plan for a brand new start i'll hold your feeling close to mine and

keep them safe till the end of time i thank you that we are friends we'll stay that way until the end.

been told

i been told many things over the years mostly what not to do or what i can't do lol truth is if the laws allowed me to do them i tended to do them anyway = i helped my uncle's 3 of them in total rebuild each of their homes from the ground up - well my uncle in Colorado i helped remodel his front room turned it from a stone like room in to a sun room - the uncle i believe in Colorado springs i help a bit there but in cloverdaile Oregon it was total rebuild - the whole home - man where those the days.

i had friends in several states that had their own projects going on and i was lucky enough to help out with them.

like i said i am no expert in doing anything but i can hold my own - if my luck did turn for the best to the good yesterday like i hope - them i should be able to dig my way out of debt soon we'll see if it has - and if +krissy lynn  would allow me to be a friend for life she has one - finding the writings of my 4 races when i swore was part of what we had in the past turned to fire starter was a good stroke of fourtian i hope it stays going in that direction - its been awhile sense i been this happy and it would be nice to get back permanently to my old self - i know many of you would like that too - just know i am not getting back into online games - that is what started my fall and i am not repeating that again as for offline games that will be cool.

my dreams still haven't changed any though and i still strive to reach those goals.

life can send people through some hell, a hell amount of curve balls at that - nature - god - i don't care which i pray for a bigger merical i still need work or i will go under soon.

as for everyone else please keep your figures crossed for me on that point.

music is something i think should be in everyone life, building can be on paper in a form of a drawing or putting together a bike or making a home to live in so that if you know it or not it is apart of everyone's life - i just want it more in my life then most people care for,

the way things stand i can't get that - the way yesterday went gave me hope not in one way but in three ways.

my books gave me two direction in one move and then there was a sign of hope that is privet,

life is not good at the moment for me and its as you all know very hard but its got to be something that works - they say that nature or god don't give people things they can't handle - well in my case it has been proven true for the most part although there are time i wish i had a different life as a whole.

a grate many things bring back memories of the old days and yes i tend to live in the past but i never stop looking ahead to see where and how i will go and get there,

maybe my life is about to take a 360 again and place me on the gaming field figuratively speaking.

although i doubt that will happen not with the oaths i had taken in my past - but anything is possible.

a time to

there is a time for everything - right now its a time to rhyme and enjoy the lime.

nature

this is a - i guess a old segment of my book that never made it into the books - it was and is in my book outline but it really has nothing to do with the books - its just a scribble i did back in 1997

in the day, under the suns ray's the birds love to fly and play.

in the night the owls like to take flight and with their sight all is right.

the lands all love the light and the misty trees of the night feeds the plaints just right.

for in the end the whole of life may just be happening within the balance.

and man just might be left alone to live instead of vanishing off the world like their predecessors had in the past giving man a new way to play throughout the lands and world.

talk about work

i know putting my outline on computer would be work but good god its been and still is a work in progress - google doc keeps changing the whole story but without the voice command i couldn't do it - at least she +krissy lynn will get a good rendition of it as it is now.

there is about 20 pages to my over all generalized story outline which i am putting on the computer now - it drakes down the generations as for what they become known for and then as i write about each generation i have to make up a outline for each of the generation in turn that fits into the one she is getting - i bet she never realized what she was getting into when my books come into play but she can if anyone can make the whole story - stories = work, i know how they go but i have no idea how to put them onto paper or in this case computer - the good news is notebook paper is larger print then a computer so the computer is basically zip-driving the story to a smaller fit, so it may not look as big as it really is. lol

will mericals never cease

talking to the lady that is willing to co-write my books she asked for the over all story out line of my books - i told her i had that years ago but its on paper and i can't get it onto computer so now i can send the whole story to her viea U.S. Mail and i went tearing through my collectible touts trying to get what i had put into a box to mail her.

i have yet to find the Arkondian maps that belong to the story - i took them out a few months ago to post them online and well apparently i lost them but in my vendever to find those maps i found the 4 languages writing i created for the races that make up the Phobian's on Arkonda and i beleived they became fire tender years ago - oh my god this is going to be a day to remember for life thank you +krissy lynn  for all you have done in the past few years and about to do in the future - just for getting me to find something that by all rights should have been destroyed years ago is to me just one true merical - they are on their way with in the week i promess - i am happier now then i have been in the past several months - the last time i remember being this happy was back in the year 1981 when i first started the world i lived in which included the writings in the Phobians world because that is where i mentally lived my life for years growing up - lol - i own you more the you know now.

i made a post to show them off - i hope every one can figure them out but the way i have to get them into the computer isn't the best way invented = i wish i could scan them but i don't have a working scanner any more.

on google and fb.

i love building and so i am going to add to my list of sharing building videos - on google plus and fb - sense all i can do is dream about being able to do it i will be showing off other peoples work.

the same applies to how to on art.

the lady

the lady that owned the studio was a good person, Quiet waters studios is right around the corner from me and i wish i had the money to buy some of her work - i don't remember when but the world artist that painted here passed away and good god she was good.

Quiet Water Art Studio & Gallery  


Art Gallery
Address: 89190 Sherwood Island Rd, Florence, OR 97439 Phone:(541) 997-8940 i have no idea if her husband is selling her stuff nor do i know if the phone number is still active but i wish him and his family the best.

a copy of a section of the book the green pharmacy

a copy section of the book the green Pharmacy a grate herb book.

putting safety first

i'll be the first to admit that herbal medicines is not risk free.

to benefit from using herbs, you need to have some basic background information.

then you need to have confidence in the herbs you use and in any herbal practitioner you consult.

 this is no different from conventional medicines, where you need to have confidence in your physicians and pharmaceuticals you take.

as a rule, however, rational herbal medicines is safer then conventional medicine because the medicines are more dilute and side effects tend to be less severe.

but you still have to exercise cation when using herbal medicines.

you also need to understand that things can go wrong.

there are a number of strategies that you can use to protect yourself.

first of all, get the right stuff.

unless you are absolutely sure of an herb's identity, don't take it.

this rule applies mainly to people who are picking herbs in the wild, of course.

people have been known to eat poisonous or dangerous plants simply because they misidentified an herb and took something other than what they thought they were taking.

the classic killer is poision hemlock, which looks rather like wild parsley or wild parsnip.

life and hopes

well life is as usually got me down again - if it isn't one thing its another - still as my privet community name says = hopes and dreams never die = although mining are dead or rather soon will be.

 i still cling to the hopes that someday they will be reality - and that will not change - to date after the last lady i asked out i said then i would not ask another out and true to form i have yet to do so.

 i did tell another lady recently that i like her and depending on what happens with her will depend on if i hold true to that word - nature can drive people to do crazy things and i am no different but still - that one lady sense the day i made that oath has been the only lady so far i will change my mind for.

 but only if i get to know her far better - that means living in the same city and doing things with her and her family - otherwise - i believe the truth of my situation.

and if you can't figure it out on your own then don't ask the question its not worth answering,

but at least for now i got my friends on google plus to help me stay in touch with the world after all your all over the world.

maybe i can put one of two plans to play before long and make life a new way of living - hell as many say beauty isn't skin deep - it goes much, much, much, deeper then that.

so does how one lives one life - i never forced anyone to do anything and i am not going to start now but as long as hope remains so will i - when hope is gone, so will i be - its that simple.

my blogs

my blogs say a lot of different things and they aren't aimed at anyone particular so please don't think they are - its just a way to express myself in a safe manner.

experiences, life events, personal beliefs all kinds of things will be on them so please read through as many as you like when you visit my blogs = they are all different even if some are about the same things.

there is only

there is only one lady that never said to me - we don't know each other = before or after i told her i liked her - if you ask me that excuse for trying to get ride of someone is not very good lol after all isn't that what dating is for ?

how many people world wide never knew their husbands or wives before they got married??

i mean get real if some one just says no then that is cool - if there is a chance then think about getting to really know each other.

never play a game with peoples feeling - that hurts more then just being told it can't be but as far as i'm concerned it does lead to a debate as to why it can't be maybe the reasons can be addressed and then it really can be???? who really know???

the expansion - lol - one person will know the ironic of this

The Expansion

believe it or not this was written back in 2004 on google docks about one year after i got on fb for the first time.

Taganae was moved by Ridium to the outer rim of the Galaxy then Ridium took up orbit around Juno Varda where Taganae was at.

The Phobians went through all the technologies that Ridium gave them to see what they could use, the first thing they found that they believed they could use was a starship class called a Tagan design which was twice the size of all the Phobians ships but it only had a crew of fifty personal with the compassity to carry about one hundred and fifty people.

It took them about two months to work out the matrices of the ship and about a generation to build the first one.

They named the ship Charity out of thanks to Ridium, Charity was the first real starship built capable of traveling from one solar system to the next.

Excited about it they manned it with a crew that was trained to explore the unknown simple because from this point in time that was where they were going.

The Capitan of the ship is a lady named Isabella, the first officer is a man named 

an old 2000 post made for google plus hope you all enjoy it

in the years of the beginning there were dirt and lava.

then came life.

out of life came color in the form of plants and those plants became flowers to celebrate life, for life is always worth celebrating.

in the middle came critters ranging from two legs too a hundred legs.

all life celebrates life in its own way and the flowers are always welcome by any who loves to see color = color of flower can range from many colors - they grow side by side and don’t fight each other for any reason.

they share the source of life - their food source is the sun - the sun supplies vitamins for the rest of life - but flowers are the only life on Earth that don’t discriminate with anyone or any thing - so let us all take the example of flowers and live in peace and harmony for it’s the best way to live in the know world.

Good Morning all

hope you all have a good day

Myron J. Dansby

music

starting today i am going to start sharing music on my fb and google plus walls for as long as my computer holds up and its trying to fall apart now again anyway i already can't load my games and my writing programs don't want to work at all - hell my blogs won't let me copy and past anything any more - but youtube has grate music that can be shared and for me its either going to be love songs which if memory serves me +Boston BB  said this world could use much more of and +krissy lynn  said that music is what drives the world of today or it will be classical because that is what i personally love and enjoy.

the first was shared today called Gary Louis and the Playboys the song everybody loves a clown and the next right after this post is going to be if i find it a song by Alabama called love in the first degree

yah

yah i found out all i have to do is prove i can operate a bobcat to get certified on operating one and that will allow me to drive one for life - that would be cool.

dead dreams

many things i have faced reality on one being my dreams are dead, here is why!

i think my books are just about dead because first of all i need one on one training in writing and i can’t afford that, i tried to write them on my own and can’t get them published so i seeked help and yes for one maybe two of them i got it from a lady named Krissy +krissy lynn who said she will co-write them with me and that is grate i just need to see her contract that give us both 50% say on the whole books and sharing of the Profits by 50% for as long as they sell and exist and then the first book should be written and published soon after that maybe even the second after the first if she is willing to go that far.

the rush on getting them published is so mother can enjoy the last few years of her life i hope in confert but who knows if that will happen or not.

as for me in order to become a true writer i need the one on one writing training or its just not going to happen and i can’t afford that – my bills are pilling up – disability is cutting benefits and that means we aren’t going to stay afloat for long.

S.S.D. is suppose to be helping me get back to work but i have yet to hear from them on that.

so now the fact is the books i got written, if published were worth it but if they don’t get published they were a wast of resources and time.

i simple can’t do it on my own, +Krissy Lynn did say she is helping me with the ones i had already done though so we’ll see if they get published.

in the past i created the books as a way to live a life away form the hell i known as life = it was  my own little world and i enjoyed the world intensely but now they became more of a hassle then anything. then a lady named Denice my first love and Mis. covie my teacher in little school said i should publish them so over the years i tinkered with them to reach that goal, in the year 2000 i got forced on to disability and that gave me the time i needed to invest into them but took away my money to fund them.

much later i meet +krissy lynn  online and we chatted and got to be friends and i hope still are good friends – truth be told to me it was grate learning she was a writer because it gave me a excuse to keep in touch with her and that excuse and my need for help got me to ask her for her help and she to my surprise said yes, ever sense then the books had a three face point to them = 1 it was a way to get my story out to the world for others to see and following through with my word at the same time 2 it later became a way and a means to hold conversations with +krissy lynn  3 even later it became a needed amount of income before we ended up filing bankruptcy and a possible way to allow my mother to enjoy her life = that being something she has yet to be able to do.

but for me it was never about the money – it was and is about getting them out for the world to enjoy to be able to read.

anyway my future is bleak right now, if i file bankruptcy then i stand little to no chance to ever own land in the states, so i have hitched my own personal plan and writing now has no true part in that future sense the only reasons to keep going is more or less a lost cause.

after my mother passes away i plan on moving into the smallest apartment i can find and doing away with everything that coast money, yes i need electric but i don’t need to use it for anything other then cooking and heating so that bill will be to a mimunal and water is a must to live – the rest is specialties and i can live without them all.

in the states i may not be able to buy lands but if i can save the money up from the point my mothers passes away i might be able to get the lands in Northern Territories Canada and that is what i will do.

depending on my age when my mother passes away will depend on my saving ability – i think with the way things stand now i might be about the late 50’s early 60’s before i can save the 200,000.00 dollars to get the lands and that will make me too old to really be able to build anything so after i get the lands i plan to build the foundation and let the rest fall by the way side.

that means my dreams of owning a smithy, pottery and glassblowing business is dead.

that means my dreams of getting married will be dead because i will be too old too care and that means having my own kids are dead – but that is life = if i die before i buy my property i got it edited within my will now that all my money saved will be given to those on the street – so in any event when i go i will be going out doing what i do best and that is helping others.

i might take them back up again in the furture after i get back on my feet but i will need help with learning how to write better.

well that is it in a nut shell.

i love

i love how my computer has a mind of its own - first it will not copy and past anything on wordpress and now it will not load my games at all = it says something about not having the needed programs to run them even though it ran them up until about three days ago = fucking technology sucks.

i have

i have sense learned to hate it when someone says they want too meet me face to face - the reason is in the short time i been online i have had that i know of 5 google plus friends that said that - that did get into my area = one did come by for a hour or two but the others neither came by or told me they where in the area = i know they were because i seen them with my own eyes - if they admit it or not doesn't matter = one of them even turned around the dark green SUV she was driving in my neighbors drive way and never got out of the car.

i also been told by a couple of people that they will help and nothing has come from it - well that is fine but depending on the situation depends on how is effected - some things i needed help on effects my mother so i tell her and we both get our hopes up only to be shot down in the end.

so like my post said in the future please don't say you want to meet me face to face or offer to help us out in any way if you don't intend to follow through with it - i am a man that believes that a man is only as good as his word - so if you give your word to me follow throw with it asap or your just a worthless person and that applies with ladies too.

that is just my opinion and i stand by it - that is why i always follow throw with mine.

rebooted

i rebooted my wordpress.com blog the first is cidiancoburnzyphan.wordpress.com and its all about my current feelings, and a few short stories i make up = its as i said is new and under the name i want fro the rest of my life.

the other wordpress is phobiustophobia.wordpress.com and its all about sneak peaks to my books for publishing nothing else.

wordpress.com will not let me copy and past anything so we'll see where it goes from here.

this is it, this is life, all the laughter and all the strife from where you come to where you go and all you think you know.

as much as i

as much as i hate this i feel left behind - not by people in general but by life - life has always been difficult to say the least but for some people its even more so - i am one of those people - i never came from a family with anything so what i get in way of inheritance will  amount to just a few odds and ends - that wasn't my mothers falt and i will not fault her for it but it leaves a person at a disadvantage to say the least - i know lately some people might think i am trying to take advantage of them but i'm not - all my life i gave to it bleeded because i love to help others but now i learned the cold truth - if you don't have money you don't get the true American dream - land ownership - so now i am trying to get the 100,000.00's to get just two acres for me to live the life i dreamed of in my retirement years and after that life becomes reality i will give even more - but until then i have to start looking out for number one and then worry about others - most people say it should have been that way to begin with but i wouldn't change my past if i could = helping others does come with its rewards and for the most part my way made me happier - i have always believed that money currency in general was and is the embodiment of pure evil and recent events from the year 2000 to present day just proves that point tooth and nail.

why not aanother chapter in my book Phobius to Phobia

In about three hours they turned into a river and sailed up it at a good speed.

An hour after that they entered into a canyon and further up the canyon the sides got even higher.

By mid-day the sun had started to go down, and the canyon sides was at lest a mile high in parts, most of it however was about a half mile high.

The man got onto his hand-held radio system and called those on the land, he let them know that the ships where carrying several injured people and that they were approaching the lake.

After they went about another two miles further up the river the canyons walls started to decrease in height until it was about a quarter of a mile high.

Then in about five minutes later Tesla noticed that they were approaching a large castle that was built over the river and up both sides of the canyon itself.

As Tesla looked at this castle over the river she could have sworn that it sparkled like a starlit sky.

The closer they got the shinier it got until they started to pass under the sky walk.

About one more mile further up the river they entered into a lake and sailed right up to a dock that was set aside for them to use.

Once they docked they noticed that their was several people standing at the waterfront.

Each one was armed with some type of hand held gun and there was several ambulances arriving there as well.

The man that took charge of the ship then said; “tell your people to stay on-board the ships, they will be taken one by one off the sips by one of my people.

Tell them until further notice, they are to follow the instructions of those on shore! We will start with the more seriously injured people and get them to a hospital and go from there!”

“Alright!”

Tesla got on the intercom system and told her crew and people to stay on-board until further notice and to do as instructed by those on shore.

“How many people do you have on-board?”

“Each ship has five hundred and fifty patience and one hundred crew members!”

The man picked up his radio and called the beach crew then told them.

As they sailed by the mouth of the river they went past a naval yard that had three destroyers, ten cruisers, twenty smaller PT boats and one small aircraft carrier.

When the gangplank was passed over to the ship and secured, several people climbed onto the ships.

They started to check everyone out and then started to hall some of the more seriously injured patience out.

Then Angmar looked at her and said; “welcome to the city of Kalzanka!”

“Thanks, for everything!”

“Don’t mention it! I’ll get you the law books to study, let your people know about them so they don’t get into any trouble!”

“Aren’t they similar to ours?”

“Similar yes but not exact and you all will be here for awhile so get to know them!”

“We’ll be here awhile? What exactly do you mean!”

“These ship aren’t going any where else for now and the empire isn’t going to let you go back over the reef so you might as well get to know the laws of the land!”

The look of shock fell over her face as she looked at him intently.

“You all will have free rain over the city as long as you don’t try to lose the tail we will give you for now but none of you will be allowed to cross over the reef again!”

“So we are prisoners?”

“If you wont to look at it like that then so be it but how many prisoners do you know of that have the right to travail throughout the whole city?”

“If we can’t go home then we are prisoners!”

He just looked at her, tilted his head slightly then said; “you could always take your arguments to the Zane and see if he would over ride the history of our people but I wouldn’t count too heavily on it because its how we do things!”

“The Zane?”

“He is the ruler of our people! He has the power to let you return home or make you stay here!”

“How could I get in to see him?”

“First you need to know some of our laws, then you need to go to Phycondar palace!”

“And how do I get there?”

“Right now, if I were you, I would worry about your people right here, right now!”

“I am but I also know that there is nothing I could do to help them here but at the Phycondar palace I might be able to, so how do I get there?”

“After we finish up here, if you co-operate fully with us I’ll put you in touch with someone that could take you there!”

“You have my co-operation then!”

In about a half hour later the final ship showed up at the docks and docked.

The escort vessel set anchor just off the rivers mouth.

Over the next couple of hours Tesla helped the medical crew of the ship and those from the land with the injured people.

Then after most of the injured people was taken off the ship she called a meeting with the ships crew and medical staff.

She told them all about the conversation she had with the Commander that took control of the ship and told them to co-operate fully with them.

Then she requested the right to go too the other ship, one was already mostly unloaded, were she held yet another meeting with that ships crew and medical staff.

Then she went to the final ship and helped them out until it was also mostly unloaded.

Then she held a meeting on-board that ship as well, then she went back to her own ship and her own quarters for the night but in about two hours later one of her crew members came to her quarters to get her.

“There is a man here that is asking all the rest of us to go with him!”

“Then I quest that we should!”

She got up and they all left the ship following the man.

She was taken to a hospital where they were given a full physical by a doctor and got a couple of shots.

One was in the but and in about five minuets she fall asleep.

After she and the others woke up they were escorted to an office and was given some papers to fill out.

After all the papers where filled out they were escorted to an apartment there in the city for the night and they had been given a permeate shadow.

Every man was being trailed by another man and the women where being followed by another women everywhere they went.

Once they were in their quarters they all went back to bed for the night.

The next morning she went back to the Trydent but she wasn’t allowed on-board until the Commander showed up that had taken control of the ship when they first arrived there.

The Commander said; “I will allow you to get your belongings but these ship now belong to the Arkondians and none of your people will be allowed back on-board them until the Zane says otherwise but like I had said earlier, I will introduce you to someone who could help you talk to the Zane, all I need is about a day in order to get everything else squared away here first!”

“Just one day?”

“Yes, I know were you are staying and if you can give me that time I’ll see to it that by tomorrow you will be on your way to see him! I promise!”

“OK!”

“But you all do need to get everything of your off right now because we are going to move those ship to another location soon!”

“And how will we get back to our homes if the Zane lets us go home?”

“We’ll take you to them at that time, if it happens!”

“Alright!”

The crews of the ships got their belonging off the ships and went back to their apartments.

About midday another man showed up at her door, he brought some flyers and a map of the city.

After he gave her them, he left, Tesla then called a meeting with her three ships crews there at her apartment.

They all discussed the situation and they agreed to let Tesla try the diplomatic approach before they tried to escape.

“Did you all get the map of the city and the flyers?” She asked, the first officer of the Trydent;

“yes, they are sure that we will like it here aren’t they!”

“No, they think that there is nothing we could do about it, they are moving all the ships later today to a different location!

Lets take advantage of this situation and see what we could learn about them as a group!”

“And were do you think we should start?”

“There is a flyer here that says if you are from over the reef then we could help you fit in to the Arkondian society.

I think that some of us could go to that group and see what it’s all about while the others go through the local libraries and look around the city, talk to people about their technologies and about their governmental structure.

Basically act like someone who wants to stay here but report back anything that I might be able to use when I talk to the Zane.”

“What about our people at the hospitals!”

“I’ll check in on them regularly and see what we could do to help them out! Then I’ll tell you all at the next meeting!”

“And when is that?”

“Lets make it about four weeks from now!”

“Right!”

And with that Tesla said her good buys, after everyone left she went to the first hospital.

While she was at the hospital the data grid box was on in the lobby area and it had the story about Zane Zyphan’s father hanging off the receptor tower.

One of the nurses was taking her to each room that her people was at and giving her a brief idea as to what was wrung with each one.

As they approached one man that wasn’t expected to live pass four months the nurse said; “this man was among the worst of them, he had a broken arm, a broken leg, internal bleeding, a number of broken ribs, a concussion and several cracked vertebrae!”

“So is he going to survive?”

“Yes, we got to him quick enough!”

“Our doctors had said that his injuries are to bad and they said that there was nothing that could be done, how is it that your people could save him?”

“Our medical science is quite a bit more advanced then yours!’ The look of thought crept over Tesla’s face as she followed the nurse through the hospital.

The nurse continued on saying, ‘Several of them will be released by the end of the month, some will even be going home today, figuratively speaking, but out of them at lest one out of five will need home care!”

“If my crews could get their equipment off the ships they could do that!”

“I’ll talk to Commander Canus about it then!”

“Commander Canus?”

“He’s the military attache officer for this hospital and your people!”

“I though that was Commander Angmar!”

“No, Angmar is the commander of the navy command ship that intercepted you! Other then that he has nothing to do with this!”

“But he said that he would introduce me to someone that would take me to the Zane!”

“Then he will before he leaves!”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I have known him for awhile and I have never known him not to do what he said!”

“Good!”

After that they finished up the tour, Tesla got the name and addressees of all the other hospitals that has some of her people.

She then went to the next hospital and took the tour of it.

It was at this hospital that she ran into the man that Admiral Suzan Bell told her needed to get back to Port Emerald at all coast.

“How are you feeling?”

“A bit groggy but OK! Where are we?”

“Some place called Arkonda around the reef of Arkon!”

“Have you heard from Admiral Bell?”

“Yes, where on our way to Port Emerald but we got side tracked and chased into the reef!”

“The Nycrian’s?

“Yes but we are at the moment safe from them!”

“Who’s in charge here?”

“Of our people, I am! I’m Captain Tesla, I haven’t got a clue who is of the Arkondians!”

“Arkondians?”

“It’s a somewhat long story!”

“Maybe you could tell me about it?”

“Not now, I’ll come back into here to talk to you in a couple of days OK!”

“That’s fine Captain Tesla!”

Then she finished up the tour.

She learned that several of them would be allowed to leave the hospital in about a month or so.

She went to each of the hospitals on her list and it took her about eight hours to go through them all.

Late on the third day she walked back to the hospital that had that man that Admiral Suzan Bell wanted to get back to the United Isle.

She went on into the room that the man was at and shout the door so she could talk to him without being heard, “I think that its time that we got to know one another personally!”

“I’m Gary an infantry soldier of the fifth platoon!”

“As you know I’m Captain Tesla of the Trydent and the ex-captain of the cruiser Titan! Admiral Suzan Bell let me know a little bit about you.

I know that you have a little more rank then that so I thought that I would tell you what we know and what we are doing right now!”

“OK!”

“I think that you might be interested in knowing that we, that is the crews of the hospital ships are doing some research on these people.

They have far more medical technology then we do and those ships they intercepted us with are smaller then any we have with bigger guns on them from what we could see!

They have some type of aircraft that flies faster then anything we have ever seen let a lone could dream of!

They have them both on land and they have a large ship that has several of them as well.

They have vehicles here that move at a faster speed then anything we have for the general populations and they have devices they call computers which record anything they put into it and recalls it all up faster then anything we have.

We are out of our deaths here but they told me that once we crossed over the reef we sacrificed our freedom, that is none of use would be allowed to go home, however, they have a strange way of holding prisoners.

We can travail anywhere we wont as long as its in this city and we don’t try to slip away from our escorts, or put in another way we are being followed everywhere we go.

I have been gearing up to try a diplomatic approach with a man they call a Zane which is their equivalent to an Emperor from what I can get out of it in an attempt to get our ship returned to us so we could go home!”

The man whistled then said; “but their not Nycrians?”

“No, as far as I can tell they aren’t!”

“When I get out of here we can set down and talk a lot more about it if you would like!”

“I’ll like that, yes!”

After that she went to her apartment but Commander Angmar was waiting there for her in the lobby with another man that was in his early thirties.

“I was just about to give up one you Tesla!”

“Its nice to see you again!”

“This is Tiean, he is a governmental representative officer from the Palace, I told him about your problem and he said that he will try to help!”

“Grate, wont you both come in?”

“I can’t, I’m leaving within the hour with those ships you brought us!”

“Not intentionally we didn’t and with any luck we will be getting them back again!”

“Yes, well, good luck on that one anyway!”

“Before you leave can we get our medical tools off the ships?”

“Commander Canus has them all at the hospital called Kalzanka General already!”

“Grate and thanks!”

Commander Angmar then left the area, Tiean however said; “I’ll come on in and talk to you about it though!”

Tesla then walked on in and held the door open for him.

“Would you like some coffee or tea?”

“Tea would be nice, thanks!”

With that he sat down on the couch, Tesla went into the kitchen area, then reemerged with a tray and two cups of tea.

“This is the complements of Arkonda, Could I get you something to eat to?”

“No thanks, now lets see if I got this right, the only reason on why you came into the reef of Arkon was because you were chased into it by some war ships, you’re the leader of three hospital ships, the crews and their patience, in fact the only mission you have been on is a mission of mercy and you all want to go back to your own homes over the reef!”

“That’s it in a nut shell!”

“What?”

“I’m telling you that your right!”

“Well, I’ll be rather direct here, its not the policies of our people to allow any body to go over the reef, let it be to go home or to go just to visit, the reasons are, one those outside the reef get into to many war, they simple love to kill each other and they don’t discriminate on who they go after.

Second, if those outside the reef don’t know where we are then they wont try to attack us at all and finally its something that we have always done!

What you are asking of us goes totally against the way we are and it puts our lives in grave risk, as well as, the lives of our children and their children’s children.

So what I’ll do for you is take you to the Zane but the rest is totally up to you to do!”

“That’s fine with me!”

“However, right at the moment the Zane isn’t at the Palace and no one knows where he is, so when the Zane dose return to the Palace I’ll come get you and we could get started!”

“That sounds good but we outside the reef have a lot to offer your people and your people has a lot to offer us!”

“Maybe, maybe not, that’s not for me to deiced, what we have to offer each other is aside the point, we can’t afford to get into a war with those outside the reef simply because we love life to much to just throw it away!”

“By hiding behind the reef you risk a war when you are discovered because your people have so far proven that you don’t want to share what you have!

However if you come out now while everyone else is weekend from this last war you might be able to save face by proving what you just said and that is life is just to precious just to throw it all away!”

“How’s that?”

“The medical technologies alone that you have could save countless lives around the world, that’s how!”

“So we could save the thousand live today so they could just attack some one else like us causing tens of thousands of lives to be taken away?”

“As I said everyone else is to severely weekend right now to even think of that and buy the time they can think of it your people could have already establish your boundaries and a good trade base with everyone outside the reef!”

The man finished his tea, then said; “well, as I said I’ll take you to see the Zane but the rest is up to you, I gave you the information that you need in order to pull it off if its even possible, so until then have a good time.” and he left the apartment.

Tesla showed him out then went next door to her first officers quarters, and knocked on the door.

When she answered the door, Tesla could see that their was several people in there.

One was wearing a Phycondar Rescuer uniform, the man stood about seven feet tall, he had blond hair, blue eyes.

“I was just about to call a meeting in my quarters with everyone!”

“And you still can, come on in, you need to meet some one!”

“OK!”

And with that she walked in, the man stood up as she approached the couch.

After she sat down he sat down again next to her.

“Captain Tesla this is Mickle, he is from the Phycondar Islands and his mother is from the United Isles,’ she looked at him then asked, ‘is that right?”

“Yes, its nice to meet you! I was just telling your crew that your not alone, we have several committees in the Phycondar Islands that are made up of people from outside the reef and I’m here to invite you all to join us there!”

“Thanks but were trying to get back home again!”

“Everyone dose that when they first arrive here but then they see the advantages of staying here!

You all are welcome to come join us whenever you want!

We have about ten committees at the Phycondar Islands, all of them have the aim of helping people try to cope with there new life here!”

“Thanks, and we will keep it in mind if we ever give up on going home but in my case its not likely!”

“I don’t know anyone who would like to go back after they give this place a fair chance but each of these committees are and have been trying to open the reef for travelers for centuries now!

We just got some outside help from a man named Marduss and his wife Janit.”

“You can count on us in that fight as well!”

“And we will look forward to working with you on this!”

“This Marduss gentleman, is he a powerful man?”

“I don’t know if powerful is what you would call it but he has the Zane’s ear! If that means anything!”

“It dose but dose the Zane lessen to him when he talks?”

“We think so!”

“You think so but your not sure?”

“Here on Arkonda, one cant be too sure what the current Zane will lessen to but at less he will hear anyone who talks to him as a person and nothing else!”

“And how can one simple talk too him?”

“First you go to the Phycondar Islands Palace, then you can see him when he is ready to lessen to you and that doesn’t take as much time as you might think!”

“That’s all?”

“Yes, the current Zane likes to hear from his people!

He thinks that it will make him a better leader but he doesn’t always act on what they say!”

“At lest he lessens to them, I know several leaders that wont even go that far!”

“Unfortunately I don’t know any outside the reef but I’m hopeful that I will!”

“So, tell me, is it just people that comes from outside the reef that wants the reef opened up or are there some Arkondians involved in the movement?”

“Mostly it’s the children of those from over the reef, our parents said that they know what its like over the reef and they don’t wont it opened and the only Arkondians that are trying to help us are some of the IGA’s that had finally come home for good!”

“IGA’s?”

“It stands for Integrated Governmental Agents, they are the ones that live among those outside the reef for several years, keeping an eye on things going on over there so the main lands wont have to worry about being discovered or in their eyes attacked!”

“Arkondians spies!”

“Yes, I think that’s what they call it over the reef!”

“Are there many of them?”

“Thousands maybe more, why?”

“Just carious that’s all!”

“Do you know how they get back and forth!”

“No!”

Tesla just looked at the commander but said nothing about it.

“You said that this Marduss is an I.G.A. then, or was it his wife that was one?”

“Marduss was but now he’s retired!”

“Do you know him personally?”

“Yes, I work with him as a forestry and search and rescue officer!”

“What are you doing here then?”

“I’m on a Vacation!”

“And why are you here at our apartments?”

“Just to invite you all into our groups, Phycondar is beautiful this time of year!”

“Thanks, and if you would leave us your name and how we can get in touch with you there we’ll look you up if we ever get into the neighborhood!”

The young man stood up and handed her a sheet of paper, then said; “I was hopping that you would say that! Now I’m going to go see the sights!”

“Have fun!”

“Oh, I will!”

Then young man left the apartment, Tesla looked at her commander then said; “for a people that don’t wont to have contact with the other nations they seam to have one hell of a network of spies!”

“Their probably out there to keep an eye on all of us! To make sure that we don’t discover them by accident!”

“Maybe, or maybe not, who can say for sure? Anyway, keep that young man in mind when you come to the meeting at my quarters you can tell everyone about him and what he said!

The meeting I’m trying to get it for tonight about eight OK!”

“I’ll be there!”

And with that she said; “see you later on then!” and left to go to her own apartment.

Once she got into her own apartment she got a cup of coffee, sat down in the front room, then she thought that she would check out the data grid box unlike when she was at the hospital, she hadn’t had the time to look at it closely.

When she turned it on she was surprised to see that it was colored.

The show that was playing was a soap opera about a well established family that worked in one of the Palaces somewhere on Arkonda as a reporter.

She started too switch the channels to see what else was on and to see how many channels was available.

She settled on a news channel about a minutes later.