dead dreams

many things i have faced reality on one being my dreams are dead, here is why!

i think my books are just about dead because first of all i need one on one training in writing and i can’t afford that, i tried to write them on my own and can’t get them published so i seeked help and yes for one maybe two of them i got it from a lady named Krissy +krissy lynn who said she will co-write them with me and that is grate i just need to see her contract that give us both 50% say on the whole books and sharing of the Profits by 50% for as long as they sell and exist and then the first book should be written and published soon after that maybe even the second after the first if she is willing to go that far.

the rush on getting them published is so mother can enjoy the last few years of her life i hope in confert but who knows if that will happen or not.

as for me in order to become a true writer i need the one on one writing training or its just not going to happen and i can’t afford that – my bills are pilling up – disability is cutting benefits and that means we aren’t going to stay afloat for long.

S.S.D. is suppose to be helping me get back to work but i have yet to hear from them on that.

so now the fact is the books i got written, if published were worth it but if they don’t get published they were a wast of resources and time.

i simple can’t do it on my own, +Krissy Lynn did say she is helping me with the ones i had already done though so we’ll see if they get published.

in the past i created the books as a way to live a life away form the hell i known as life = it was  my own little world and i enjoyed the world intensely but now they became more of a hassle then anything. then a lady named Denice my first love and Mis. covie my teacher in little school said i should publish them so over the years i tinkered with them to reach that goal, in the year 2000 i got forced on to disability and that gave me the time i needed to invest into them but took away my money to fund them.

much later i meet +krissy lynn  online and we chatted and got to be friends and i hope still are good friends – truth be told to me it was grate learning she was a writer because it gave me a excuse to keep in touch with her and that excuse and my need for help got me to ask her for her help and she to my surprise said yes, ever sense then the books had a three face point to them = 1 it was a way to get my story out to the world for others to see and following through with my word at the same time 2 it later became a way and a means to hold conversations with +krissy lynn  3 even later it became a needed amount of income before we ended up filing bankruptcy and a possible way to allow my mother to enjoy her life = that being something she has yet to be able to do.

but for me it was never about the money – it was and is about getting them out for the world to enjoy to be able to read.

anyway my future is bleak right now, if i file bankruptcy then i stand little to no chance to ever own land in the states, so i have hitched my own personal plan and writing now has no true part in that future sense the only reasons to keep going is more or less a lost cause.

after my mother passes away i plan on moving into the smallest apartment i can find and doing away with everything that coast money, yes i need electric but i don’t need to use it for anything other then cooking and heating so that bill will be to a mimunal and water is a must to live – the rest is specialties and i can live without them all.

in the states i may not be able to buy lands but if i can save the money up from the point my mothers passes away i might be able to get the lands in Northern Territories Canada and that is what i will do.

depending on my age when my mother passes away will depend on my saving ability – i think with the way things stand now i might be about the late 50’s early 60’s before i can save the 200,000.00 dollars to get the lands and that will make me too old to really be able to build anything so after i get the lands i plan to build the foundation and let the rest fall by the way side.

that means my dreams of owning a smithy, pottery and glassblowing business is dead.

that means my dreams of getting married will be dead because i will be too old too care and that means having my own kids are dead – but that is life = if i die before i buy my property i got it edited within my will now that all my money saved will be given to those on the street – so in any event when i go i will be going out doing what i do best and that is helping others.

i might take them back up again in the furture after i get back on my feet but i will need help with learning how to write better.

well that is it in a nut shell.