that you all that stuck around me when i was going through my mantle brake down and many panic attacks.
i am not full over them yet but my mantle breakdown is all but gone.
as i told a friend or two i'm an open book for the most part.
i prefer to just say things as they are and take the consequences as they come about.
the timing about telling the lady i like her that i like couldn't have been worse but it i guess had to be done anyway and i am quite glad she knows the truth now.
i lost several friends the last few months do to my panic attack and brake down - several of the attacks can be seen in the blogs as everyone knows, mostly on Google Plus - the only one that had any reason to dump me is still my friend though and that is the lady i admitted i liked.
right now i am researching romance i hope - too much jewels might end that though lol - as a friend had asked me = Are you researching romance for books as in understanding the romance genre or for writing a romance in any other stories? = and here was my reply - for both other stories, a novel and i hope for picking up in real life what i am fucking up on - its research that covers all aspects of romance = never having the privilege to experience it personally i have nothing to go by for books and so its a all out thing - but mostly its for my books and the research is at the moment being done by what is called a RP with one very, very, very good femail friend ts a game played by two people or more - a lady friend that is under age compared to me has volunteered to help me out in a one on one rp setting of it - for all the reasons stated above.
i hear its not the same thing as the real thing i'm afraid but its better then nothing.
so i am making an effort here and there to better my situation to the best i can but it only prove my point though - i get along better with young kids then i do with those my own age - with a few exception to the rule that is.
people in their 80's and 90's and anyone under the age 18 i always got along with everyone else i tended to get into fist fights with so after awhile growing up i avoided them like the plague. i just don't know why and until i got online i had little to no conversations with people my own age.
but it don't help with dating either = i have the rule never to date a kid and to stay within 10 or if the lady is over 18, stay within 20 years of my age - to date every lady i liked well enough to do that with has messed with me mentally - so it is a lossing cause i'm afraid = that is everyone but the last one that i said i liked and she is the only one that really had a reason to do so.
still now that i no longer have to worry about the things that was causing most the panic attacks i am getting back on my feet - true i'm still deep in debt and i still have yet to get one single date with a lady but everything else has more or less went away, just a heads up though, over 75 % of my friends are ladies online and off - i never have a problem with any of them until i ask one out then all hell brakes out - although i know more secrets from ladies about their boyfriends and or husbands then i care to admit usually before i ask any one of them out lol - and every time i do something has to happen - in this case and i know the newest lady i said i liked had nothing to do with it but it still happened - i now have spyware in my computer system - i know because i took my computer in to be fixed not long ago and it took longer then they said it would - plus i always look through every aspect of my computer when i get it back one can't be too careful - anyway now i got a untitled file of masive size in my computer - and well to me its a open computer and i'm more or less a open book - so if you don't want the world to know about your secretes don't tell me about them until i get me a new computer and that will be in many many years if at all - with my fiancees the way they are anyway.
No comments:
Post a Comment